As a writer, I always want to enrich my characters and readers with layers of complexities hidden within the subtext of dialogue. The unspoken words that lie within that most of us are often afraid to express. The inner running dialogue we keep inside. That is what I want to explore.
I am a true believer that non-verbal communication is the most important type communication there is, as it speaks the truth. And the truth is we all lie. I am not saying that the lies are conscious or malicious in nature, but sometimes we lie to ourselves. In fact, the person we most lie to is most likely ourselves. We also often hold ourselves back from living our true potential because of the inner dialogue that beats down our self-esteem constantly.
I remember when my inner dialogue was me telling me that I wasn’t worthy of having my dream job because I don’t have enough experience or that I didn’t deserve that relationship because I came from such a broken family, and he came from such a loving, warm, and normal family.
Is that really true?
No one is perfect and every family has its own issues or dysfunctions. If I don’t have enough experience for my dream job, surely, I can put plans in to either go back to school or take steps to climb that industry ladder.
So, are these lies that I was telling myself to keep me from pursuing and living and enjoying
We often don’t express our true feelings with our partners because we fear that we will loss that relationship. One thing that came to mind recently was for me to evaluate how I perceive the actions and words that other people share with me. Someone can say something to me, and I may get offended and maybe their intention was not to hurt me but that is how they communicate and use language to express themselves.
I have always been blunt in my approach, and that may rub people the wrong way. Maybe I didn’t take a more nurturing route in my approach when offering advice to a friend and that person had a hard time accepting my words.
Many people have told me that I need to read the book the Five Languages of Love, which I will do someday. These days I find myself pondering a lot on communication these days.
How do I communicate with myself? How do I communicate with others? How do other people communicate with me? And if I communicate my thoughts, anxieties, or beliefs in a world where most of us have differences, will the friendships and relationships last?
I came from a very straight forward family who didn’t hold back any punches, so I expect when people communicate with me, to be very direct. Direct doesn’t mean be a jerk, but I understand tough love and actually I understand it more effectively than a more nurturing and loving approach.
Some people don’t respond well to tough love. My best friend always said to me that I’d get more out of her with sugar than vinegar. She loved love in every way, so being best friends, we had to learn how to communicate with each other in the language in which we both understood how to communicate and somewhere in the middle there, reach a compromising middle ground. Our friendship was worth the compromise.
We all express ourselves in different styles and ways. I think the level of maturity that I am experiencing these days allows me to be more outside of the box than I ever have. I understand we are all different beings and that in the end we just as humans need to feel connected to one another. Maybe this is why they say with years comes wisdom. I know that in this evolution of life we have on our human journey, the idea to understand and connect with one another is far richer than all the gold I can find on an abandoned pirate ship.
Today, I seek to understand how I can open myself up to communicate with others on all levels and to have the wisdom to allow others to be in their own space with their own views and ideologies. I seek connection and the wisdom to live in harmony with those I differ in ways and opinions but want to live in harmony with.